Two older men, Peter 86 years of age and Roger 82, have been meeting at citation dog park in Mt Martha at 4pm every day for the past 14 years. Two old beagles and a jack russell hang out together whilst the two men chat.
Recently, another man, let’s call him Bob, has been coming to the park. He sits with the Peter and Roger while throwing a ball to his dog. Unfortunately, this causes a conflict with the jack russell. As a result, the owner of the jack russell leaves the dog park whenever the new bloke arrives.
Bob has disrupted a long-standing and special relationship between these two older men.
The other day, I suggested to Bob that we try to find a solution so the 2 codgers could continue their daily catch up. I suggested there are many other areas in the off-lead dog park that he could throw the ball to his dog.
He immediately became abusive – screaming very loudly at me. He told me that “He had every right to be there”. His loud and aggressive rant could be heard by all in the dog park. The rant continued for several minutes.
When he stopped screaming at me, I calmly agreed that he had every right to be there. I added that it would be an act of kindness to throw the ball elsewhere.
Both older men were very upset about the manner in which Bob spoke to me. According to Peter: “Men do not shout at a lady”. Of course people should not be verbally abusive, irrespective of their gender. However, I was familiar with ‘raised voices’, having grown up with 4 older brothers and an authoritarian father. So this “lady” was not at all upset. I simply decided that Bob was a dick.
Bob dug his heels in – and continued to throw the ball to his dog near where these older men once sat together.
Do men like Bob understand kindness? Or do they only understand a sense of entitlement?
A week or so later, I arrived at citation off-lead dog park wearing my “No to violence. No to silence. Respect women” T-shirt that I had designed for the 16 days of activism against gender based violence.
Roger and Peter, gave me an update on Bob.Bob continues to sit on “his” seat and throw the ball for his dog. However Peter and Roger quietly re-locate themselves to the Northern end of concreted area when Bob arrives: no fuss, no dramas. They simply refuse to sit beside an angry older man who abuses women.
Bob now sits alone.